Working Mom Blues

Sunday night Leah started acting a bit “off.” She was clingy, crabby and just not herself. I felt her forehead and she was burning up. I took her temp and she was at 103. I monitored it throughout the night and her fever wasn’t budging. When the morning came, she was still running a high temp so I decided to keep her home for the day and I stayed home from work. Her fever finally broke in the early afternoon but she was still clingy and not eating much. Nothing was making her happy. She also developed a nasty cough. Finally on Wednesday, my daycare called me at work and told me she had thrown up. I knew it definitely was time to get her into the doctor.

I called the doctor hoping I could get her an appointment after work. Turns out the doctor was only going to be in the office until 4:15. (Ugh - these hours are definitely not conducive to working parents). I took the last appointment at 4:10 pm and began to stress on how I was going to get her there because there was no way I could leave work. I was just out on Monday.  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Leah needed to get into the doctor, but my day was busy with back-to-back meetings. Rob was in Milwaukee for the day for work and unable to help this time. In a last minute bind, I called my Dad. As much as I hated to ask, maybe he could take her to the doctor for me. Luckily, he dropped what he was doing and was able to take Leah. I know he was a bit nervous because he never did this before. He didn’t know where my doctor’s office was located. I had to fax (yes….fax) him directions to the office and write out a detailed report of Leah’s symptoms so he could give it to the doctor. Luckily everything went off without a hitch.  It turns out my poor baby girl had her first ear infection. The doctor wrote her a prescription for an antibiotic and they were on their way. (I know my dad loved taking her and loved feeling “needed” so that was a good thing)!

In a weird way, this small ordeal made me sad and feel guilty. I should be the one comforting my daughter and taking her to the doctor when she is sick. Being a full-time working mom can sometimes make it challenging. My boss is great and gives me a lot of flexibility, but there are times when I have deadlines to meet or priorities that I can’t step away from. Sometimes it is difficult to juggle working full-time and being a full-time mom, balancing home and career. There is just never enough time! I know I am not alone and millions of other mommies do it every day but sometimes I get the working mom blues.

I can’t count how many times I’ve wished I could be a stay home mom. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on how quickly my daughter is growing up. My time with her is limited. She goes to bed so early that I usually only get to spend two hours with her before it is time to put her down. In the morning, our routine is so rushed so we can get out the door on time. I would love to be with my daughter all day and be a part of her day-to-day routine. My mom was always a stay home mom. I hate that I can’t do some of the things that stay home mom’s get to do (i.e. sign her up for daytime activities or arrange play dates with my girlfriends, etc as just a few examples). I can imagine that it will only get worse once we decide to expand our family with another baby. Also the older Leah gets the more she’ll be involved in dance, sports and other activities. I get the mommy guilt and oh how it burns! I’ll just need to learn to juggle my priorities and be there for the things that are most important to me. Sometimes I am secretly (well not so secret anymore) jealous of all of my girlfriends that get to be stay at home moms, or even my friends that are teachers that get the whole summer with their babies. By the time I get home from work and get dinner on the table, I am exhausted!  I am not complaining (entirely). When I am down or get the working mom blues, I have to remember why I work. I work so I can give Leah a great future. I work to help provide for my family. I work to challenge myself professionally and add to my personal development. I do have a very rewarding job and actually love what I do. I have worked very hard to be where I am and am proud of my accomplishments throughout the years.

I do cherish all of the time I do spend with my family and try to make the most of it! Life is so busy. The weekends are so busy. There are never enough hours in the day. After working an exhausting week, doing the laundry and housework, running errands, grocery shopping and spending time with family and friends, I am wiped out! It is important to take a step back and breathe and appreciate everything in life. One year ago this week, I returned to work from my maternity leave! Geez – where has a year gone? I don’t even remember my maternity leave – it seems so long ago! My time home with Leah just flew by. There are just times in life I feel a little blue but always have to remember to look at the big picture. I love my family and wouldn’t trade anything for the world. I just need to make sure there is balance and take everything one day at a time.

Lori