Life is Busy

Life sure has been busy lately. Between wrapping things up at work before my maternity leave, to taking care of my new baby (who hasn't quite figured out his night and days) and my family, trying to be there for my dad after his intense surgery, and dealing with the daily hustles and bustles of life - I haven't really had time for much of anything else. However, late last week I had a brief moment to sit back and think. I had a chance to think about my mom and how much I truly miss her. Of course I think of her daily, but I've been so busy I haven't had the opportunity to 'really' miss her because I have been going through the motions of day to day life. (I hope that didn't come out the wrong way).

Last Friday, we had a cleaning service come over so I needed to get out of the house for a little while. Leah was due for a nap and I wasn't quite sure where I would go with her and Mason. It was about 95 degrees outside and it was way too hot to go for a walk or take them to the park. I decided to take a drive out to the cemetery and visit my mom. I haven't been to see her in months. It is not intentional that it has been so long for me to visit, but as I said before life has been busy. I guess I've pushed my feelings to the back of my mind and haven't dealt with them for awhile. I guess everything that has been going on with my dad has put things in to perspective. If anything were to happen to him, it would just be devastating.

Both kids fell asleep on the ride there, so when I pulled up to my mom's grave I left them both in the car and left it running. I only spent about 10 minutes visiting, but they were a good, much needed 10 minutes. I haven't 'talked' to her for awhile, so it did me good to get some things off of my chest. I sat down on the grass and I couldn't help it, but tears just ran down my face. I introduced her to Mason and told her all about him. She would have fallen in love with him the instant she met him. He is the first grandson on our side of the family. I wish she could have been at the hospital the day we welcomed him into this world. All girls want to have their mom with them. I asked my mom to continue to watch over me, my family and my dad. I know she is with me everyday. I've had constant dreams about her and each time she was the mom I used to know, not the mom that had changed before our eyes. It breaks my heart that my kids will never know her. It felt good to talk to her and let her know she is always on my mind. I know I've said it before, but it just isn't fair that she was taken from me (and my family) and the road she had to travel. She must have been needed more in heaven.